الأربعاء، 6 فبراير 2013

Some time off work!

Not in the mood for work.
Put on my earphones. 
Played 'mashrou3 leila' on soundcloud. 
Here I am, writing a post on my blog.
These days are really tough on me. 
I think this is one of the big turning points in my life. 
I don't know if I am going to make it through. 
I have started to question everything. 
Starting from God. 
Not in the sense I doubt His existence  
But I question the purposefulness of life. 
I am afraid I have come to think life is too nihilistic. 
Among the things that really bother me is my ruined career. 
In more than three and half years after graduation, I have accomplished nothing. 
Nothing. 
I thought I will be joining my current post so I can make a difference. 
But the result is catastrophic. 
Egypt, unlike the late Pope Shenouda used to say, is a 'dumb' that we live in and that lives in us. 
I think of immigration. 
But where to? 
And as what? 
The course I have just done turned out not to be my passion. 
My passion is elusive. 
I just cannot figure it out. 
I am afraid as well that I might be a true psycho; a schizophrenic or a psychotic. 
This would explain a lot. 
Now what to do?
I will curb my fears, disappointments and frustrations and get back to work. 
God, have mercy on us. Amen! 

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